I hate your face
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
