I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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