I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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