...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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