i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
