READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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