she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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