"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
