Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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