where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
