You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
