my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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