Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
