i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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