it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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