I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
