the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize