Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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