wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
