WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
