Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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