Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
