a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
