I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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