? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
