He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
