is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
