Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can text with my tongue
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
