There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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