do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
