Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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