I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
