So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
