I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
