Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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