I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
