Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
