Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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