My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
