He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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