Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
