you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
