So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize