Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
