you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize