I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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