He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
