I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
