ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
