apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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