I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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