Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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