there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
