In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
