you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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