Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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