I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
