I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
