You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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