My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
pray to the hookup gods
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
