Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
