i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
