fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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