he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
