i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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