I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
