You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
