im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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