Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
