You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
