He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
