This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
