Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
