i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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