i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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