its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
