I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
