i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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