okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
