Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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